I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
a search helicopter?!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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