Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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