Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
