We need to rekindle our bromance
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
