I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
