He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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