Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
