i don't like sucking hair
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
