It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
