you would pick up someone in the library
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i out mim tonsoeep
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