I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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