In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
where are my eyebrows?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
