he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
