I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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