Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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