It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
