you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
