who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
