Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
