I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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