i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
