your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
