there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
