Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
