there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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