I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
