He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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