i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
