Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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