We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
