I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
