I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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