hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
