just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
