The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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