she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
