Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
