it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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