Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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