they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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