Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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