It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
