I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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