I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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