I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
