I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
