I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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