Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
