Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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