My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
