sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
