well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You need a sexual gate keeper
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
